Straight from the big guy himself: epic storms will ravage Americas coasts and the Pacific northwest could have a tsunami. Chaos will reign. That God, he's such a prankster.

Robertson claims that a couple of heavy storms in on the coast prove he was partly right.

Let me get this straight, Pat, god is only partly right? Huh?

Pat said god loves Georgie boy's style and would guarantee a landslide election.

Even with god and, more importantly Diebold, stuffing the ballots, George could only manage a feeble 3 percent victory.

According to Pat and his tin-can-and-string connection to god, the big guy just promises George will have "victory after victory" following the landslide win over Kerry.

God is a pundit. Who knew?

Pat said: "his second term is going to be one of triumph, which is pretty strong stuff."

And then Bush will “also have Social Security reform passed, that he'll have tax reform passed, that he'll have conservative judges on the courts and that basically he is positioned for a series of dramatic victories, "

Pat, God must think you're such an idiot...

I mean he NEVER tells you the truth!

Pat, dude, you rock. You and god were dead wrong on this one too.

Global terrorism rose during 2005 because of our failed policies.

Maybe London doesn't count, though. Pat, does terrorism only count if it takes place here?

Robertson also predicted that in 2005 there would be widescale conversions to Christianity among Muslims -- so many that "it would amaze the world."

God promised Pat that the Soviets were going to invade israel and then seize all the oil in the middle east and the world would be cast into chaos as a result.

Man, I gotta send this guy some money!

He's got the god hook-up. His accuracy is just astonishing because it all comes straight from god to the self-appointed prophet Pat Robertson.

Wait a minute... does this mean god's wrong all the time?

After the whole Soviet invasion of the middle east didn't pan out for Pat, he came back the next year and said god told him that there would be a worldwide economic collapse between 1983 and 1985.

I still have my stockpile of bibles and bullets....

Oops. God vs. James Carville. Carville 1, God 0

He hedged some on this, but said he thought god told him that a terrorist with a nuke was going to get the US in 1996.

But static on the line must have make him misunderstand god. Or maybe it was the meds kicking in.

Anyhow, isn't it cool to see how often Pat predicts global calamity. Helps to keep that money coming in...

I love this one: god was so pissed about a gay pride march in Orlando (!!!) that he was going to send tornados and earthquakes and tsunamis and terrorist and MAYBE EVEN A METEOR against Orlando.

After the city council in Orlando voted to fly rainbow flags during the celebration, Robertson said: "this will bring about the destruction of your nation. It’ll bring about terrorist bombs, it’ll bring earthquakes, tornadoes and possibly a meteor.”

Whoa.

If the big guy gets that mad about a few flags in Orlando, it's amazing San Francisco is still here!

Huh? Orlando's OK? I guess that means that god's cool with gays.

In fact, it must mean that god likes gays and hates Mr. Pat "false prophet" Robertson.

You see, in 1998 god skipped sending a hurricane to Orlando and instead aimed hurricane Bonnie right to Robertson's home in Virginia Beach.

Pat, it sounds to me like god's flipping you the bird.

Of course predicting a god-inspired tornado in hurricane-prone Florida is a moderately safe bet -- Florida has a couple of dozen tornados a year. But I have to admire the full-blown insanity of adding the "maybe even a meteor bit."

So I have a prediction: god is so utterly annoyed at Pat Robertson's messing with his rep that he's going to send a hurricane into the Gulf of Mexico in 2007 as a warning shot.

See, Pat, two can play this game.

He blamed homosexuals, and the ban on school prayer among other forces.

He said: "We have insulted God at the highest levels of our government, and then we say, why does this happen?," said Robertson. "Why it's happening is, God almighty is lifting his protection from us."

OK. Fun's fun, bub, but this one is just sick. Stick to the meteors and stuff.

In 1988 the Washington Post quoted Robertson as saying: "I heard the Lord saying 'I have something else for you to do. I want you to run for president of the United States.'"

I guess the Lord wanted you to run just to show you what a shmuck you are, Pat. God wanted you to lose, baby.

Sometimes I get the impression got thinks Pat Robertson is a dope. Certainly he's in good company in that opinion.